Friday, November 27, 2020 0 comments
This morning I pointed out to Molly that some of her responses have been kind of snide lately.

She said, “Well, I learned from the best. Like father like daughter. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. As ye sow so shall ye reap.”

Oh, dear lord, what hath I wrought?
Thursday, November 26, 2020 0 comments
I told Molly that I am thinking of dressing her up in a turkey costume for Thanksgiving.

She said, "Ooooh, oooooh. Yes. That's awesome. I would look so cute. Where's the costume? Show me! Show me!"

"Really? You actually want me to dress you up like a turkey?"

"Uh, yeah. No."

Apparently she knew I was bluffing.
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Molly tells me that she doesn't give a damn about Thanksgiving. Holiday or no, I'm still taking her to the dog park.

Monday, November 23, 2020 0 comments
This morning, sitting on the couch, there was a noise out in the street. Molly's ears perked straight up.

“Hey Molly”, I whispered.

“Yes, dad”, she whispered back.

“You can hear me.”

“Of course I can hear you. Why?”

“Sometimes I think you’ve got amazing hearing, other times it seems like you can’t hear me at all.”

“Sometimes I care what you are saying, other times I don’t care at all.”

Well, that was brutally honest. “Geeze, don’t bother sugar coating it.”

“Yeah, well, hey. I haven’t had my coffee yet. Besides, why are we whispering?”
Saturday, November 21, 2020 0 comments

This morning, as I was making pancakes, Molly watched me with great attention. Perhaps she is thinking of making me breakfast in bed over the holidays?
Friday, November 20, 2020 0 comments
This morning at breakfast, Molly told me that she has decided to be Asian.

“I’m not sure you know what that means”, I told her, “Why have you decided to be Asian?”

She said that yesterday, at the dog park, she met a really nice dog who said he was Asian, so she’s decided that she will be Asian too.

I tried to explain to her that it doesn’t quite work that way – you can’t just decide to be Asian. You either are, or you’re not.

“Why not?” she pressed on, pouting slightly.

It took a while to stifle my laughter. Then, in the kindest possible way, I said that if you have Asian ancestors, and you’re born in Asia, then you’re Asian. “You could also be something like ‘Asian American’, if your ancestors are Asian, but you are born in America. No matter how nice Asian dogs might be, you don’t have Asian ancestors, and you were born here, so, you’re not Asian.”

All she said was, “I’m Asian”, and then walked away.

So, I guess I have an Asian dog. We’ll see if she’s still Asian after she meets a nice dog from Brazil, or Germany, or Nigeria.
Thursday, November 19, 2020 0 comments
“Hey Molly, you look a bit down.” Immediately she lay down. “No, geesh. I didn’t mean lay down.”

“Then why did you say ‘down’?”

“It’s just an expression.”

“Well, you said ‘down’, and I lay down, so you owe me a treat.”

“OK, next time I’m near the treat jar, remind me and I’ll give you a treat.”

“You can count on it!”

“Anyway, you seem a little depressed.”

“I seem depressed? I’ve just been giving you some space because you seem depressed.”

“Well, things have been a bit hard since COVID.”

“What’s COVID?” she asked.

“It’s a dangerous disease that humans get, and it has been going around infecting a lot of people.”

“Huh. Well, that explains some things. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. Its only something humans get.”

“Mmmmmm. I see why you didn’t bother me with this. It’s not like there are any humans I care about.” She snarked.

“Yeah, your right. I should have told you. So, you’ve been giving me my space?”

“Yes, you seem down and a bit snippy, so I’ve been giving you some space.”

“I’ve been snippy?”

“Yes, daddy. You’ve been snippy. And distant.

“Geee, I’m sorry. Thank you for being so understanding.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Now, about that treat.”
Tuesday, November 17, 2020 0 comments
This morning, at breakfast, I asked Molly why cats bring up hairballs, but dogs don’t.

“Cats do what?” she asked.

“Bring up hairballs.”

“What’s a hairball?”

“Well,” I said, “it’s basically a ball of fur.”

“And they throw these up?”

“Well, it’s more like coughing them up.”

“Cats cough up balls of fur?”

“Yes. Cats cough up balls of fur.”

“That’s weird.” Molly opined. “I wonder why they do that.”
Monday, November 16, 2020 1 comments
“Yesterday at the dog park was scary,” Molly told me.

“Yes, it really was. I was scared for you.”

“Why were those dogs mean to me, Daddy? I just want to play.” She wailed.

“I don’t know honey, but we got you out of there and you’re safe now. I hope you still want to go to the dog park again.”

“Yes,” she said, “fur shur, but I don’t want other dogs to be mean to me. How do I make them not be mean to me?”

“I wish I knew, honey, I wish I knew. Maybe instead of running away you should just ignore them, or stand your ground, or just lie down and go passive, or growl and show your teeth.”

“Maybe I can get a tattoo on my forehead that says, ‘born to bite’?”

I tried to take her seriously. “Well, er, I don’t think that would work very well. Your forehead is covered in fur, so a tattoo won't show up. Besides, you wouldn’t want everyone to be scared of you, right?”

“That’s true.”

“So, we’ll just keep going to the dog park, and you try different approaches, and you can let me know when you’ve figured it out.”

“OK. Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too, Molly.”
Saturday, November 14, 2020 0 comments
This evening after dinner I told Molly that she was the only dog I'd ever heard belch.

She said, "Well, I guess you haven't been listening very closely."

Friday, November 13, 2020 0 comments

"Molly, what big teeth you have!"

"All the better to inadvertently bite you while we are playing, daddy!"

Mmmmmm... ain't that the truth!
Wednesday, November 11, 2020 0 comments

Last night I shooed Molly off the couch so I could lie down and meditate. Ahhhhhh. It was so nice and warm where she had been laying. 

“Thank you, Molly. The couch is so nice and warm!”

“Sure, thank me, woo hoo. I’ll just warm up a spot on the ottoman while you ignore me for the next half hour. No problem.”

Huh? “Well,” I told her, “it is my couch.”

“Yeah? And who was it that invited me to live in their house?”

“Hey, Molly, what’s up? Are we having a fight?”

“I’m sorry, dad. I’ve just been so anxious about the election. Even with it over, I’m still tense.”

“Uhhh, you were concerned about the election?”

“Yeah, it was a real nail biter.”

“The election for President? Biden vs. Trump?” I asked.

“What’s that? I’m talking about Mack vs. Charlie for king of the dog park. Then when Benny came in as a third-party candidate, no one knew if there would even be a clear winner. It was a squeaker, fur shur.”

“'Squeaker', huh? 'Fur shur'? Are those puns?” Now that she is making puns, I had to ask.

“Ha, ha, ha, ha,” she snorted, “I guess they are puns.” She laughed. “It wasn’t intentional. I must be getting good at these puns if I’m doing it by accident!”

“Um, yeah. So, who won?”

“One what?”

“Who won the election, silly?”

“Oh, it was Mack. I think he’ll make a good king.” She opined.

“Well, that’s a relief!”

“Psssh, you’re telling me!”

Anyway, we made up, she stopped being pissed at me about the couch, and I was able to meditate in peace. What a relief.
Sunday, November 8, 2020 0 comments


This morning, while playing with Molly I said, “Yo! Quiero Doggo Bell?”

She looked at me quizzically, “You want a beautiful doggy? I thought I was perra bonita!

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.”

Si”, she said, “I think speaking multiple languages shows good breeding.”

I was astounded. “Is that a pun?”

“Yes,” she said, “it is a pun, but look…”

“Wow, you just made a pun!”

"Yes. Yes. I made a pun. But you are avoiding the issue. Am I not your beautiful dog?”

Si. Molly es  Doggo Bell.”
Friday, November 6, 2020 0 comments
This morning, at breakfast, I said to Molly, “I get why you shed your coat in spring, but why do you also shed in the fall?”

She said, “Why do you keep asking me questions like that? I’m a dog. That doesn’t mean I know how dogs work. I’m not a veterinarian.”

“True, but…”

“Look, you really need to chill out daddy-o,” she interrupted, “if it feels good to lie in the sun, I lie in the sun. If it’s time to shed, I shed. As Ram Dass said, just be.”

I don’t have the first clue how she knows about Ram Dass, and I’m ignoring the fact that she probably meant, “Be here now”, but, she is right I suppose.

Wednesday, November 4, 2020 0 comments

Molly v The Bee

Tuesday, November 3, 2020 0 comments
This afternoon I asked Molly why it is that on a hot day, she will lay out on the stones of the patio, in full sun, and bake.

She said, “Because if feels good.”

“Why does it feel good.”

“How should I know,” she replied, “I’m a dog, but that doesn’t mean I know how a dog works. How much do you know about how a human works and why you like what you like. Besides, I’m only 1 year old. I’m not even an adult dog. Laying in the sun feels good.”

Point taken.
Sunday, November 1, 2020 0 comments

 How do I explain to Molly that she has to wait to go to the dog park because of some screwy law about changing the time?

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This morning, while making breakfast, I asked Molly how she slept. She said, "I don’t know, daddy, I close my eyes and it just happens."
Saturday, October 31, 2020 0 comments

Molly with her favorite new (and seemingly indestructible) toy.

Thursday, October 29, 2020 0 comments
Yesterday afternoon Molly taught me two of her top lessons for life:

#1 – When someone offers you something delicious, take it and run away [a rule that a lot of people at buffets would benefit from learning.]

#2 – When your loved one comes home, drop everything you are doing, no matter how pleasant or seemingly important, and run to greet them as though you hadn’t seen them for years, even if it’s only been minutes.
Wednesday, October 28, 2020 0 comments
The other day a friend accused me of “putting words in [Molly’s] mouth.”

That’s not fair at all. I try very hard to take down what Molly says word for word.
Tuesday, October 27, 2020 0 comments
Today I was picking up the pieces of another shredded toy spread all over the living room.

I asked Molly why she always rips her toys apart.

She looked baffled. “What’s the point of hunting them if I don’t kill them?”

“Well, you’re not exactly hunting them or killing them.” 

“Ohhhhh, some of these toys can be tricky, and really hard to kill.” 

“But if you tear them up, then you don’t have them anymore.” 

“Yes, I do.” She said, “you get me another one.”

“What if I didn’t get you another one?” 

“But it’s in your nature to get me toys. You get me a toy, and I kill it. It is our purpose. Besides”, she confided, “if you didn’t give me toys, I’d kill your shoes.” 

She’s right, of course. It is in our nature. I buy her toys, and she kills them. It is the natural order of things. And I’d rather pick up pieces of toys than pieces of shoes.
Sunday, October 25, 2020 0 comments
Oh, the joy, watching Molly on the security camera footage, having a wonderful time mutilating a post-it note pad that she stole from my desk last night.
Friday, October 23, 2020 0 comments
Molly is such a child. I like to walk around the house singing songs but making up my own lyrics. "No, daddy, those aren’t the words!" she'll wail, "You're doing it wrong!"
Thursday, October 22, 2020 0 comments

Wednesday, October 21, 2020 0 comments
This morning, at breakfast, I asked Molly if she’ll still need me when I’m 64.

“I dunno,” she said. "How old are you now?”

I guess she wants to make an informed decision.
Sunday, October 18, 2020 2 comments
At breakfast this morning, I asked Molly why it is that, when she catches a fly, bee, or other insect, she drops it and then picks it up again, and drops it again, over and over, before finally eating it? Is she just having fun, or does the wriggling insect feel funny so she doesn't eat it until it stops moving, or is it something else?

She just stared at me with that, "you've got to be kidding" expression she gets when I've said something particularly stupid.
Saturday, October 17, 2020 0 comments
This morning at breakfast, I asked Molly, “When we’re playing tug-of-war, do you prefer it when you pull the toy away from me, or when the tug just goes on and on, or when I get the toy and throw it for you to chase?”

She replied, “Yes.”
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This morning, at breakfast, I asked Molly if she new what a “tautology” was.

She said, “no.”

I told her, “To know Molly is to love Molly. To love Molly is to know Molly. That’s a tautology”.

She smiled and said, “I like tautologies.”
 
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